Open your Bibles to Epheisans chapter 4, Ephesians chapter 4. And after you get there- just let that sit on your lap for just a moment- look around the room. Just look around the room. This is your family. And you’re in a new community. You, if you are in Christ, you have a new way of life that is just now yours and you’re with other people who are living in the new way of life.
Just a couple of things before we get into the sermon. I want to thank the band. They were all at Winterfest, and some of them came back last night. Some of them came back this morning. Some of them worked all night for you here getting ready for what we just went through. So yeah, thanks to the band.
And I would say to Micah, if the lead pastor thing doesn’t work out, you do really great with that too. So a few years ago Trent Griffith, who was our founding senior pastor, whenever he handed me a microphone and I came up to do something with you guys, he said, “Wes,” (and he knew me). He said, “Wes, be the most animated version of Wes that you can be.”
And I said, “I’m living it. This is it.” So this is me. And I just want to tell you guys that this sermon today is interesting to me. I usually would love to be as prepared as possible, be very ordered. But I felt like the Spirit was saying, “This sermon is about Me, so be ordered but also be organic.”
So in that I’m just going to say and be kind of vulnerable with you. I’m going to lean on what I prepared, but I’m also going to be aiming to listen to His voice and to go off of that whenever I should. I won’t tell you when I’m doing that. You’ll just have to figure it out on your own. But I’m saying that because I want you to participate. The Holy Spirit is in you. The Holy Spirit is in me. Let’s participate with Him together if we can.
And this is a feeler sermon. There are so many things in this that are just going to be difficult for us. It’s difficult for me. When Micah assigned this to me…there are different reasons you get assigned a sermon. Sometimes it’s just to give the guy a week off and it’s practical like that. Sometimes it may be that you have a particular life message. It could be that he didn’t want the Holy Spirit convicting him all week like he was doing me. So I don’t know why I’m preaching today, but I’m just going to tell you those kinds of things.
Today we’re going to be looking at what kinds of words we should just stop using altogether and how to use words as Christians. We’re going to look at what we do that hurts our relationships with others and that hurts our relationship with our Lord. And we’re going to learn what to do with deep seated bitterness. There’s not a person in this room that’s not going to be affected by what we hear in Scripture this morning if you have ears to hear.
The big idea this morning is really a question and it’s this. Am I pleasing or am I grieving the Holy Spirit with my words and my attitudes, my actions and my life? Am I pleasing or am I grieving? How can I grieve the Holy Spirit? How do I do this with words and with actions and with my life?
What we’re talking about today really is central to Christians. And not just Christians; it’s central to humans. Martin Lloyd Jones talks about one of the things that makes us distinct and different from the animal kingdom is the gift of language and how the Lord has gifted us with the ability to communicate with one another. And our communication, our speech, our words are central to our identity as Christians.
So we’re going to be talking about language and how we talk and relate, how also every single conversation, every single word, matters before the Lord and with each person. We’ll talk about how we hurt and how we sadden the Lord much more than we realize. And we’ll talk about our sinful anger and bitterness and unforgiveness and how walking in the way of Jesus calls us to become tender hearted and kind, and not just forgiving, but graciously forgiving.
So how do you do this? I’m convinced that if the people in this room, if you know, in Scripture we hear there are different moments where the Lord called down and said, “If there was just ten of you that would walk in this way, you know, I would do this or that.” I believe if there were ten or fifteen of us that could truly walk in the way that the Scripture is asking us to walk, this church could be changed. This community could be changed. But the command is for every single one of us to walk in the way of Jesus and these ways.
So I’m convinced that if we were to live out what we’re going to look into, your marriage could be changed. Your family could be changed. Neighborhoods and your workplace could be changed. Schools would be impacted. And Michiana could experience a rare and needed supernatural touch of grace. Our words can be redeemed and we can live sent with them in ways that we never thought possible.
Hear the Word of the Lord. This is Ephesians 4:29-32. Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear. And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, by whom you were sealed for the day of redemption. Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice. Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.
This is the Word of the Lord. Let’s pray. Dear Father, today may we have ears to hear You, especially this part, “Just as in Christ God forgave you.” Jesus, You are tender hearted and Your gracious, costly forgiveness is what we need and it’s perfect. Lord, the sins that we’ve already talked about, that we’re about to talk about, and even some that You will reveal to us in this room this morning, praise the Lord, have already been cared for.
Jesus, You have accepted us as Your children. You paid for our forgiveness and You’re asking us to walk as You lived. It seems impossible. Lord, this morning would You give us eyes to see and hearts to be open to how we are erring, how we are sinning. Show us our sins today Lord. Point out our grievous ways to us clearly. Lord, we’re tolerating poison in our relationships. And not only that, we’re actively polluting and harming our family and this Body, Lord, with our careless and reckless and dangerous words. I do this. My friends do this.
Lord, show us that the way to repentance and heart health with You and with others, may our preoccupation stop being about ourselves and start being about a community preoccupied with love for You and others. Open Your Word to our hearts and give us ears to pray. In Jesus’ name we come to you. Amen.
So a little bit of context to remind us where we are. This is a letter to the Ephesians, and this letter was probably circulated not just to the church at Ephesus, but also to the other churches in Asia Minor. In the first three chapters of the book is about doctrine and the second half of the book is about duty. And so we’re now entering into this section about duty.
In the first three chapters we hear about the believers’ possessions in Christ. We hear our position and our wealth in Him. This is identity language. So we learn who we are in Christ in Ephesians 1, 2, and 3.
And then in chapter 4 we get into the new way of life, how we are to walk in unity and purity. That’s what we’ve been hearing about in these last few weeks. And then we’re going to hear in the coming weeks about how to walk in love, how to walk in the light, how to walk carefully and how to walk courageously. The key to understanding this duty part, this new way of life part, is never to step away from our identity in Christ.
So as we hear the commands of the new way of life, remember who you are in Christ. So again, our big idea this morning is, “Am I pleasing or am I grieving the Holy Spirit with my words, my attitudes and my actions in my life?” We need to realize today that I show love for God by how I choose to use my words, how I bring life into each of the situations that I’m in, and how I graciously live and forgive. We’re going to see that through three different things in this passage.
First of all, my words should only bring life and grace. And then we’ll learn that my relationship with the Holy Spirit should be growing and only bring a smile. And finally we’ll wrap with my new way of life is kindness and tenderness and gracious forgiveness in Christ. But let’s start with my words should only bring life and grace.
Verse 29, Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear.
We are told to stop all corrupting talk. There’s no wiggle room. All corrupting talk. So what is this? The word gangrene actually comes to mind. We’ll come back around to the actual definition. But think of unwholesome and corrupting talk. Let me help you with that.
It’s anything that’s harmful. It’s anything that’s thoughtless. It’s taking the name of the Lord in vain. It’s something that’s mean-spirited. It’s anything that’s obscene, words that are wounding, words that are brutish, words that defile, that are petty, your chauvinistic words. They’re words that are all too common in society, and you’ve already seen some of them this morning on Instagram. They’re destructive, cursing and swearing, harsh, condescending, proud words, judgmental words, ill-timed words, pressurized words, passive aggressive words.
By the way, I’m only half done, so hang on. Evil and ill-willed words, uncaring, words that tempt and lure, words that are dark and crude, racist words, hate-filled words, rash and words spoken too fast, words that devalue people and are unsettling, words that purposefully misguide, mislead, tear down, deflate, that are graceless, that are poisonous, that are cruel, that are slanderous, that are gossiping, sarcasm aimed at hurting someone, negative, critical and hostile.
I think I covered a fair amount of what we traffic in every single day, right? The Greek word for corrupt means “rotten or putrefied; unfit for use or worthless.” Corrupt, rotten, putrified, unfit for use, worthless. This is unwholesome talk. Why is he saying to stop it? Paul says this is like rotten fish that you’re tolerating. It’s like fruit that’s gone bad. Once you’ve discovered it, it’s gangrene. You’ve got to get rid of it. Get rid of it immediately because it’ll spread. It’s decayed. It’s cancerous.
Scripture speaks to corrupt talk and the poor use of words. So many admonitions. So many things it says about the mouth. Here are some of them. Proverbs 18:21 says, Death and the life are in the power of the tongue, and those who love it will eat its fruits.
Proverbs 15:1 says, A soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.
Proverbs 17:27 says, Whoever restrains his words has knowledge, and he who has a cool spirit is a man of understanding.
Proverbs 15:4: A gentle tongue is a tree of life, but perverseness in it breaks the spirit.
James 1:26: If anyone thinks he is religious and does not bridle his tongue but deceives his heart, this person’s religion is worthless.
Luke 6:45: The good person out of the good treasure of his heart produces good, and the evil person out of his evil treasure produces evil. For out of the abundance of the heart his mouth speaks.
James 3:8: But no human being can tame the tongue. It’s a restless evil, full of deadly poison.
And James 1:19 says this: Know this my beloved brothers, let every person be quick to hear, slow to speak and slow to anger.
As you’re listening today, I hope the Holy Spirit is already talking to you about words that you’ve used perhaps even this morning or this week that fit into this pattern that he says that we need to get rid of. James says that a powerful horse, something as powerful as a horse, if you can control its mouth, you can control the strength of that animal.
By putting a rudder in a large ship, just a small rudder can steer a large ship. A tongue is like that. A tongue is a very tiny part of us, but it makes huge boasts and creates huge problems. A forest fire starts with just a little spark. The tongue is a fire. A world of evil can be made by it. Whole lives are set on fire by the tongue. When it’s out of control it’s restless, it’s full of poison; and with it we curse our brothers and sisters who are made in God’s likeness.
Paul knows that a careless mouth is wrong and it’s evil. It’s bad for every single environment that we’re in. It’s bad for the home. It’s bad for the marriage. It’s bad for parenting. It’s bad for the church. It’s bad for your workplace. It’s bad for humans. It’s disease.
So why is Paul saying, “Let no corrupting talk come out of our mouths”? First of all, corrupting talk is contrary to our identity as God’s children. Jesus doesn’t ask this way and neither should anyone in His family. Corrupting talk is not a part of the new way of life in Christ. That’s part of our old identity, to hurt and to wound, but it’s not the way of the new person in Christ. And corrupting talk is actually doing Satan’s bidding. We’re not Satan’s children. We are not his followers. Why would we do this?
So what are we doing when we do this? I think it’s obvious, but we are hurting the people that we love the most. Don’t you find it interesting that you have the ability to hurt the person you love the most? We, through our words, introduce toxicity into all of our relationships. When I say something sharp and unkind towards my kids because they irritated me in some way, I teach them to bring that same poison to their relationships and then back to me. My words defy what I say that I believe. This is un-Christian. This is not like Christ.
Just take a moment to consider how you have used some foul and obscene and unwholesome and unhelpful and diminishing or sordid or hateful or hurtful or barbed words this week. Why do we do this?
Well, it could be that some of us in this room do this because we didn’t know that this was the new way of life. So you could be a new believer and you haven’t heard, “Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouth.” But now you’ve heard, so there you go. So now you know.
We could know full well and we’re just refusing to be obedient. Usually it’s a little more subtle than that. We start our self-justification project and it starts all in our mind. Even right now some of you are justifying in your mind why you use some of the words that you use and why you have tone like you have with people. And you’re slightly unconcerned about it.
We justify it because we want something that we’re not getting. We justify it because we’ve never learned to tame the tongue. We’ve never been a disciplined person in the way of words. Everybody does it. We justify it. We say it’s no big deal. They know my heart, so I can talk like this. They know my heart. It’s their problem. Wes, if you only knew what they do and how often they do it you’d understand why I talk to them this way. They had it coming. They were wrong. I was right.
Last week Mitch talked to us about righteous anger and that there is a place for righteous anger. And God shows us how to be angry and not to sin. But immediately after we hear that sermon we come to this passage and we realize that oftentimes we don’t know how to do that very well.
So what do we do? Let’s look at the rest of that verse. So let no corrupting talk come out of your mouth, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear.
So again the command is to stop, full stop, any unwholesome speech. And if we’re to use any words, they’re to do these things. They’re to build up, they’re to respect and to be knowledgeable of the moment and the occasion and they’re to bring life. They’re to bring grace.
So what does all of that mean? Well our words have got to be timely, loving and a means of grace. Timely, loving and a means of grace. Around Gospel City we talk about living sent. And when we talk about living sent we mean to take our faith to everywhere that we go. We say that we’re here to glorify God. we’re here to gather. We’re here to grow in our faith and we’re here to go.
We’re to live sent with every single word that we speak, starting in our own home. Every single day, every word to every person. If anyone is feeling like this is not a daunting assignment, talk to me afterwards. We’ve got to use words to build people up and bring them to the grace of God. So not every single conversation that you’re in is going to be about the gospel and about the way of life in Christ. But every single conversation that you’re in should be grace-filled, should be kind, should be tender-hearted, with a view that in time if you can have a conversation that previous words would not distract from the gospel but would be a means of grace and bring people to the grace of God.
If we’re going to be timely and loving and be a means of grace to people, we’ve got to show one another in our world what Christ’s love looks like in our conversations. How does a Christian speak? How does a Christian speak differently? What do they not say? How do they speak? What do they do differently than the rest of the world? So we show a watching world and our own families that Christ means much to us by the way we speak.
We’re also to meet people where they’re at, not where we think they should be at. So this is that part of the verse where it says “as fits the occasion.” So it could be that you’ve been ready and kind of had a prepackaged sermon for that someone in your life that needs some truth, but it’s ill timed. So when we walk with the Lord in every moment of life, we need to be constantly in prayer to say, “Lord, what fits this circumstance? What do they need in this moment?”
Sometimes we’re speaking to someone that’s idle and they need some admonishment. Sometimes we’re speaking to someone who’s weary and they need encouragement. Sometimes we’re speaking to someone that’s hopeless and they need hope in the Lord. We have to be very aware of every single moment that we’re in and speak words that fit that occasion.
We meet people where they are, not where we think they should be. And we’re to be on a nourishing mission. And again this starts in our homes and it starts in our minds. So church moms and dads, brothers and sisters and friends, we should never say any harmful words ever. We should repent of our patterns and our trends. And for specific instances when we have used unwholesome, hurtful words. If we’ve sinned against those in our homes and in our lives we should seek God’s forgiveness. We should seek God’s forgiveness today.
If we have an uncontrollable problem with our mouths, if all of this seems beyond your control, you need to seek some help from a Christian friend who’s a little bit more mature than you are that can help you.
1 John 1:9: Confess your sins to one another. So our words should only bring life and grace. The amplified version of verse 29 says this: “Do not let unwholesome, foul, profane, worthless, vulgar words ever come out of your mouth, but only such speech as is good for building up others, according to the need and the occasion so that it will be a blessing to those who hear you speak. Our words should only bring life.
Let’s move to verse 30. And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, by whom you were sealed for the day of redemption.
Our second point today is my relationship with the Holy Spirit should be growing and should only bring His smile. My relationship with the Holy Spirit should be growing and should only bring His smile. This verse is about relationship and I’m going to share with you three motivations that we should have because of the verse.
But what does it mean to grieve? What does it mean to grieve the Holy Spirit? And what does Paul say, “By whom you were sealed till the day of redemption”? And why does Paul stick this verse right here in the middle of this passage anyway?
So you think about this passage, it’s kind of a Christian code of ethics in the new way of life. Put off these things. Put on these things. And all of a sudden he drops this right in the middle of it. And don’t grieve the Holy Spirit of God, by whom you were sealed for the day of redemption.
So remember Paul just finished laying out three chapters of our great and precious doctrine, and all that is pertinent and relevant to how we relay to each other and life in general. He doesn’t want us to get away from the gospel of Jesus and how the gospel must be central to every aspect of our living, especially how we relate to everything. He wants us to be reminded that the gospel changes everything.
If you look at the other major religious systems in the world, there are similar moral commands that we’re seeing in these Scriptures. You’ll see things like put away stealing. Don’t steal anymore. Tell the truth. The systems will say those kinds of things. But what Paul is saying here is what makes Christianity unlike and vitaly different than every other thing. The other systems will tell you not to steal or lie and to do good because it’s good to do that or it’s right to do right. It’s the moral thing to do.
Sure, we should be doing right for right’s sake, but we need to realize this: Our motivation to say or do anything right is because God first loved us. That sets it apart completely different. This is altogether Christian. It’s Christian to get to the heart of why we do what we do. Do not use unwholesome language just because it’s good to clean up your mouth. Revolutionize your every word to bring grace to everyone and show your love of Christ by doing so. Don’t just do moral subtraction or live a code of ethics. Love Christ by loving people with gracious words and actions.
SPLIT HERE
And our motivation not to grieve the Spirit is borne out of love. So He first loved us. And this is the thing. You can’t grieve a system. You can’t grieve a religion. You can only grieve a person, a person with whom you have a relationship.
Before you were in Christ you couldn’t grieve the Holy Spirit; you could only resist the Holy Spirit. Once you’re in Christ you can grieve him just like any other relationship that you’re in.
Think about grief in your relationships. Why do we grieve? To grieve means to cause great distress to someone. It’s a strong emotional response to some loss or wrongdoing. And when we see someone in a bad state, what do we say? We say it grieves me to see him this way. It’s a feeling of sorrow and remorse. And when we see someone we love doing something that we know will hurt them and hurt others, we feel grief.
Remind yourself God is a person. The Holy Spirit is a person. Yet He created the world and there’s this sense that He doesn’t need us at all, right? But there’s a mystery in it too. He condescends to know us and to love us, so we can grieve Him.
The children of Israel did this over and over again. Look in the Old Testament in verses like Psalm 78:40. Listen to this. We see Israel grieving the Lord in their waywardness. “How often they rebelled against Him,” says the Scripture, “in the wilderness, and grieved him in the desert.”
Isaiah 63:10 says, But they rebelled and grieved his Holy Spirit. Therefore he turns himself to become their enemy and himself fought against them.
And look at Jesus. We see Jesus feeling feelings and emotions and doing them all in perfection. We see in Jesus and His incarnation God came as the rescuer. He put on flesh and experienced all of our experiences. Remember His griefs. He wept over Jerusalem. He wept at Lazarus’ death. He wept in the garden. He experienced real pains and griefs.
Even this morning we sang about it. We sang about His weeping and His shedding of blood for us. And Jesus promised that when He left He would send the Holy Spirit. And the Holy Spirit, likewise, is a person who grieves and hurts and is saddened. By what? The Holy Spirit is saddened by our wounding wayward words, our attitudes and our actions.
When we use any unwholesome speech He’s grieved. Think about how often is this. Jesus said in Matthew 12:34, For out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks.
The Holy Spirit is acutely aware of every single one of our thoughts. Even if we were to control our tongue and we don’t let something come out, He knows what was on our mind before it got to the mouth. He knows how we have an unrighteous, unholy anger in our hearts. He knows how we harbor vengeful and evil thinking. He knows our lusts. He knows our manipulating a circumstance because ultimately we don’t trust Him in some area.
We please or we grieve God with our attitudes and are either content and satisfied in Him or discontented with Him altogether. We’re unhappy with how He has moved in our lives or hasn’t moved in our lives. We don’t trust that He is working all things together for our good, so we grumble and complain, sometimes inwardly mostly. Do you know of all of those conversations you have in your head? And then sometimes the words come out. We hurt others.
So ultimately we just need to see that our problem isn’t first with others. It’s with God. it’s with our view of God and what He’s doing in our lives through these people and these circumstances. If we are truthful, we have a problem with Him.
Our motivation not to grieve the Holy Spirit is also because it doesn’t fit who we are in Him. Our motivation not to grieve the Holy Spirit is because it doesn’t fit who we are now in HIm. So this is where that phrase “by whom you were sealed for the day of redemption” brings us some perspective and actually starts to bring more hope into this circumstance.
Right now this is not the most happy talk that I’ve ever given or you probably have ever listened to. So let’s get some hope. What does this mean, sealed for the day of redemption? Paul goes back and starts to remind us of our identity. Back in chapter 1- turn over a couple of pages to chapter 1 in Ephesians- verses 13 and 14.
In him you also, when you heard the word of truth, the gospel of your salvation, and believed in him, were sealed with the promised Holy Spirit, who is the guarantee of our inheritance until we acquire possession of it, to the praise of his glory. (Ephesians 1:13-14)
We were given the Holy Spirit. He indwells in every believer. We heard the gospel. We believe the truth about Christ. We receive the Holy Spirit. We are sealed for eternity. We are safe. This sealing means God owns us and will keep us. “Nobody can break God’s seal.” Warren Wiersbe said that.
So we live right. We put off these things because we remember that He’s got us all the way to the finish line. We don’t grieve the Holy Spirit because He loves us. We don’t grieve the Holy Spirit because we love Him. These things that we’re doing, the use of the foul word and obscene talk and this uncontrolled anger and how we’re hurting one another is our old way of life. He made us as His own. The day of redemption is coming. All things will be made new. Hoep in the future, and we can start living in this way of life right now. Let’s bring some heaven to earth in how we live.
This sealed for the day of redemption is hope language. I want you to listen to what John Piper says about this passage. This is John.
“The point is this. Paul says that the Spirit has been given to seal us and to secure us for an infinitely wonderful future. In other words, the Spirit sealing work aims to give you hope.
So how do you grieve the Spirit? By not hoping in the day of redemption, by not hoping in the power of the Spirit to secure you and help you. If the Holy Spirit has been sent to give you hope in God, and instead of hoping in God you fret over your problems and become angry and bitter and resentful, then you grieve the Holy Spirit of God. You strive against the purpose for which He was sent.
And the language that comes out of a heart that doesn’t hope in God will not impart grace to those who hear. How can you make your mouth a means of grace for others when you don’t hope in the grace of God for yourself? It’s out of the hopeless hearts of discouragement and frustration and anger and bitterness and resentment all that rotten and hurtful language comes.
But if you are a believer, stop and think for a moment that Christ has died for your sin, that God has promised to work all things together for your good and He has given you HIs own Holy Spirit for the specific purpose of sealing you for the day of redemption. Then surely a deep and confident hope will rest as the root of your life, and through that root will flow the sap of grace. And out onto the branches of your life will come fruit of a whole new way of thinking and living.”
So do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God by whom you were sealed for the day of redemption. I should be motivated to do what’s right because He loves me. I should be motivated not to grieve Him because I love Him. and I should be motivated not to grieve Him because I am sealed.
There’s a famous pastor that texted me this week. His name is Micah Klutinoty. And this was his text on this passage. He said, “The grieving of the Holy Spirit part is real. How sad it is to think that we could grieve such a gift through ways we often deem justified or small. We need the Holy Spirit. He wants to show us Jesus in every situation and we grieve Him so often. The only hope of building up and loving people like Jesus loved us is with the help of the Holy Spirit.”
So how do we grieve the Holy Spirit? We grieve the Holy Spirit when we sin, when we fail to trust that He can help us and overcome the temptation that led us to that sin. We grieve the Holy Spirit when we sin because we offend His holiness with our unholy preferences. We grieve the Holy Spirit when we sin because we show something else has our love and affection and not Him. And we grieve the Holy Spirit when we fail to remember He has our present and our future secure.
So what do we do then? We repent. We ask ourselves and Him, “Is there some ongoing, unrepentant sin?” And if it’s been a while since you’ve repented, that should be troubling. The early Christians were known as the repenters. If you used your mouth recently, there’s a good chance you probably have grieved Him.
Proverbs 10:19 says, Where there are many words, sin is unavoidable. But the one controls his lips is prudent.
And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, by whom you were sealed for the day of redemption. (Ephesians 4:30)
My relationship with the Holy Spirit should be growing and only bring His smile.
Now let’s go to verses 31 and 32. More fun. Let all bitterness (not some, by the way). Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice. Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.
So this morning we also are seeing that my new way of life is kindness, it’s tenderheartedness, and it’s gracious forgiveness in Christ. So what is he describing in verse 31? Let all bitterness and wrath and clamor and anger and slander be put away from you along with all malice.
Again, last week Mitch taught us about anger. There is a righteous anger and a righteous place for it. But in this section we’re talking about most of that out of control. Aristotle said that bitterness is that resentful spirit that refuses reconciliation. Bitterness is a state of sharp intense resentment or hate. It often has a mouth full of curses for the person. It’s unforgiving resentment. And this is either expressed or thought.
Wrath is a state of intense anger with the implication of passionate outbursts, wrath and rage. And you go, “But I’m just a type D person.” Anger is a state of fury here. Clamor is that loud shouting that you hear, screams and cries. Slander is to speak against someone in such a way to harm or injure his or her reputation, to revile, to defame, to blaspheme. And malice is that feeling of hostility and strong dislike with a possible implication of desiring to do harm. You love it when something happens to them in a negative way. R.C. Sproul says that these represent the fallout vices that flow from anger out of control.
So what does Scripture say that we do? Just put it off, right? We get rid of it like the unwholesome words that we read about just a few verses ago. We eradicate the stuff from the life of the disciple of Christ. Not only do we get rid of it. We get rid of it by doing a massive counter cultural thing. Our society doesn’t know this. We forgive.
But we don’t just forgive because we are made to like sometimes we would do with our children. “Forgive your sister.” And you know it really isn’t a deep heart forgiveness that’s going on there. We forgive like Christ forgave us. And how is that? It’s a gracious kind of forgiving.
In the text here when we read about forgiveness, it’s a gracious forgiveness. We become tenderhearted like Christ, gentle and lowly like Christ, kind like Christ. This is not weakness. This is strength under control. Ray Ortlund is a tenderhearted pastor and he says about being tenderhearted, he says of this passage, “It seems inescapable that this word describes certain emotional tone.” So I haven’t talked a lot about tone. But just like words matter, tone matters too. He says it’s a certain emotional tone, a softness of disposition, a heart that feels for others.
He said, “Years ago I read in a book I’ve forgotten now, I read that an English gentleman is defined as one who would not willingly cause pain. And I would add one who is eager to relieve. That’s tenderhearted. The opposite is bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander, with all malice. That’s the world unforgiving and unforgiven. In our tough guy, in your face world of today, manly Christian tenderheartedness can stand out. It looks like Jesus. As Spurgeon noted on his sermon on this passage, the one time Jesus told us about His heart He described himself as gentle and lowly, right to the core. And we all revere Him as the clearest revelation of God.”
Ortlund goes on to say that a tender hearted social environment goes beyond letter of the law compliance with minimal biblical requirements. It goes all the way where the grace of God sets a new tone. It makes our churches radiant with divine beauty, more delightful to members, more convincing to outsiders.
Hear the Word of the Lord. Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice. And be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another as God in Christ forgave you.
Philippians tells us that whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, think about these things. Friends, the gospel is powerful enough to purify every word that I say. The gospel is also powerful enough to purposefully make all of my words Christlike, loving and lifegiving. The gospel is powerful enough to motivate me not to hurt my Savior in word, in deed, in attitude or action. The gospel is powerful enough to drive away all bitterness and all wrath and anger and clamor and slander and malice. The gospel is powerful enough to transform Wes and Paul and Nathan and Nate to be kind and gentle and lowly and tenderhearted just like Jesus. The gospel is powerful enough to make us authentically merciful and graciously forgiving like God in Christ has forgiven us.
Let me ask you to bow your heads and we’ll pray. Just before we pray, I’ve got some questions for you, questions for you to ask yourself and to ask the Holy Spirit.
Do I have any unwholesome and corrupting speech going on in my life right now? Am I tearing down people in some way?
Husbands, you should be asking, am I hurting my wife in my words and in my tone?
Wives, are you building up or tearing down your husband?
Are there people in the workplace that are hearing me use corrupt language, or in the world?
Ask yourself who you are using corrupting speech with. Ask the Holy Spirit how you should repent.
Friends, see the gospel to the degree that you’re softened by it, and go to them. He forgave me of all of my transgressions against Him. How can I not also forgive anyone of anything?
Other questions to ask: Am I building up people and bringing life? Am I withholding life? How am I doing this? Who am I doing this to? How should I repent?
How quickly can I get to the person I’ve offended and hurt? What should I do?
See how the gospel came to you and how you should go to others. You should be asking the Holy Spirit, holy friend, how am I grieving You? How often do I do it? When do I do it? What are my patterns?
Lord, replace my thinking with only things that are good and true and noble, and that starts with You.
Ask yourself about bitterness, about your rage, about how you clamor and raise your voice, about your slander, about your animosities. How are you doing this? Who’s in your mind right now?
Lord, we need You. We have sins of neglect and harm. We fail to be intentional and bring life. We’ve justified through our busyness. We’ve not been self-forgetful. We’ve been consumed with ourselves. We’ve not been eternally minded. We’ve not had the joy of seeing others soar, to advance the love of Christ, to see where God is at work and join Him.
Lord, would You help us to imagine what this could look like in our church if we would start talking differently today, if we would sense Your smile more often. Lord, there is in this room repentance that needs to happen. There’s a husband here Lord that needs to go to his wife and seek her forgiveness for a lifetime of hurting her. And same for wives. There are children who have been disrespectful to their parents through their words and attitudes, and they need to ask for forgiveness.
Christ, the new way of life is hard but it’s good. Holy Spirit, thank You for putting into Paul’s mind the need to put that verse in here about grieving You right in the middle of talking about our words and our bitterness. We grieve You with our thoughts and how we are constantly having conversations in our heads that we never actually have out loud.
Micah mentioned, Lord, this revival that’s happening in a college campus. Revival starts when we understand the gospel more clearly, that You came to us in our sin. And we start to confess our sin. And we’re like David. Against you, you only, have I sinned. I am the man.
And then we go to others Lord. It’s vertical and it’s horizontal. We repent of our ongoing evil patterns, how we’ve continued to embrace the old life and not embrace the new life.
Lord, I’m sorry for my tone with Carrie and the kids. Lord, I’m sorry for grieving You. I know that I will hold onto the things that I prefer and not remember that I’m Your child and this is unbecoming. Lord, I’m sorry for holding onto bitter thoughts of brothers and sisters that should be released. For our Body Lord, let us not grieve the Holy Spirit by resisting Your call to repentance today.