Amen. Welcome to Gospel City Church once again. And just one more happy Mother’s Day in the house. So glad that you’ve joined us today. And if you are a guest, thanks so much for being here to hear from the Word of God. Everyone can go ahead and grab a Bible and open to Ephesians chapter 6. And today we’re going to focus in on verse 4. Now I’ve got to tell you, we often marvel as a staff at how the Lord gives us what we need when we need it. Very little strategy went into today’s message lining up on Mother’s Day. But we’ve been journeying through the book of Ephesians since September of last year. And very little effort went into today’s message lining up with Mother’s Day, but I just think that that is a testimony of the Spirit of God leading us and guiding us to give us what we need, and it’s a testimony that God’s Word never returns void.
So the message that I want to preach to you today in our series called Divinely Designed is “Parents and the Divine Design.” Parents and the Divine Design. But Paul, he’s been continually addressing sort of the relationships that are in the nuclear family as we as believers aim to walk in a manner worthy of our calling. So last week we saw God’s design for children that they are called to obey their parents in the Lord for this is right. All the mothers said, “Amen.”
And from the beginning of creation, really since God gave Moses the Ten Commandments, the fifth commandment was “honor your father and mother and things will go well for you in this life.” So today I want to hone in on the parents’ role in the household. And it’s important to understand that Paul is not just writing to anyone. There are all kinds of parents and situations in the world due to sin. There are broken homes due to divorce. There are abusive homes due to sin and neglect. There are unbelieving homes who have an entirely different aim for their children than the homes of Christians are called to.
So Paul is writing to the faithful saints and the redeemed people in the church in Ephesus, those who have been made alive in Christ. He really has in mind a Spirit-filled husband who loves his wife like Christ loves the church and a Spirit-filled wife who submits to her husband as she submits to the Lord. And together they are raising children in the fear, in the discipline, in the instruction of the Lord. All of that is going to take more than you can give as a parent.
And so everything that we’ll look at today needs to be anchored in Ephesians 5:18: Do not be drunk with wine, for that is debauchery, but be being filled with the spirit of God. Every parent here today desperately needs to be being filled with the Spirit of God in order to walk in a manner worthy of your calling in the task of parenting on the earth.
So the big idea that I’ll give to you is this: only the Holy Spirit can enable parents to make disciples in their home through the loving discipline and instruction of the Lord. Only the Holy Spirit can enable parents to make disciples in their home through the loving discipline and instruction of the Lord. I read a statement that Matt Helmkamp wrote for a hope group several years ago. Matt was an elder in our church and Matt is faithful (and Michelle’s husband). He says this often that the Holy Spirit is the greatest parent and we should aim for the day when He takes over and we become His sidekick. I think that’s great.
And I heard a story I remember about a worship leader, a woman worship leader. We sing some of her songs here at this church. And she was having a long day of mothering, and she has a two-year-old and a four-year-old and some other kids. And she was parenting that day and feeling the frazzled motherhood of the day and she also had to sing on a platform that night in front of a stadium full of people on tv. So that afternoon she is doing what a mom does and getting ready. And then her ride shows up and she had to get to the venue.
And so she gets in the car with her husband and with her pastor. And as she got in the car she kind of shook off the frazzle. And I remember her saying a testimony. “Ok, mom hat off; worship hat on.”
And the pastor said, “The problem is you should have never taken the worship hat off.”
And she said, “Ouch.”
And I think that is so true. But as moms, this act of mothering should be empowered by the Holy Spirit as we exalt Jesus Christ. This act of fathering should be an act of worship as we’re empowered by the Spirit of God and living out our calling on the earth in our household.
So let’s look at Ephesiaans chapter 6 starting in verse 4. That’s really the only verse that we’ll look at today, but there’s plenty there. Now hear the Word of the Lord.
Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.
So this is God’s Word for us today. And you might be thinking, That’s it? That’s all you’ve got for us, Paul? I mean, you gave the wives several verses. You gave the husbands eight verses. You even gave the children three verses. You give us one verse? We’re drowning over here, Paul!
But again, God’s Word continues to prove its testimony of having all that we need for life and godliness. And as we drill down on the exhortation in this one verse in Ephesians chapter 6, you will see that its instruction is profound. But in order for us to grasp the magnitude of what Paul is calling Spirit-filled parents to and really anyone who claims to be in the faith, I want to read you a statement by Timothy Paul Jones. Here it is on the screen. “Every child is far more than a child. Every child is first and foremost a potential or actual brother or sister in Christ. Whatever children stand beside us in eternal glory will not stand beside us as our children or as our students. They will stand beside us because and only because they have become our brothers and sisters, heirs of God, and co-heirs with Christ.”
I think that’s awesome. And we talk a lot about living sent as a church. We talk a lot about being a disciple-making church. The very mission that Christ has called us to as followers of Jesus is the mission statement of this church, to love God, to love people and to make disciples of all nations.
Now I want to take you real quickly to the Old Testament, and we’ve done that as we’ve looked at the divine design. But at the beginning of time the commands that God gave in the Old Testament were “be fruitful and multiply.” There was a lot of emphasis in the Old Testament around having children. And not only was that told to Adam and Eve, but Abraham. It was said that many nations would come from him and kings would come from him. And ultimately it was the lineage that led to Jesus Christ coming from Abraham.
But in Genesis 1:28 God said this to Adam and Eve: And God blessed them, and God said to them, “Be fruitful and multiply.” So that was His first command, male and female. It takes male and female to multiply in the covenant of marriage. “And fill the earth and subdue it.” That was His second command.
So not only are we being fruitful and multiplying, but we’re filling the earth and subdue it. “Having dominion over the fish of the sea and over the birds of the heavens and over every living thing that moves on the earth.”
Now that command was pre-sin. So before sin came into the world, God intended male and female created in His image to be fruitful and multiply and then to reflect His glory on the earth. But sin quickly wrecked God’s divine design. And so people continued to be fruitful and multiply, but now children were born with a wicked and deceitful heart.
But God in His grace kept for Himself a nation and a remnant of people whose lineage would become the lineage of Jesus. And at the proper time God sent Jesus into the world, He died on a cross in your place as a substitute for your sin. He rose again from the grave.
And before He ascended back into heaven, He gave us a new mission. No longer to be fruitful and multiply and have dominion over the earth like it was pre-sin. But once we get to the New Testament we learn that God’s original design for humanity would now be fulfilled through the new humanity, which is called the church.
So I just want you to consider the essence of the Great Commission for a moment, ok? Make disciples of all nations parallels really well God’s command to be fruitful and multiply. Our mission, every mission of every person here who is in Christ, is not to have physical babies on the earth. You are now called to make spiritual babies through the preaching of the Word of God and the gospel.
So you might not have kids, but you can make disciples. And if you do have kids, what a gift of an opportunity to make disciples right in your very household. You can fulfill the Great Commission simply by making disciples in your home.
And then consider this. Teaching all that I have commanded you. That was the second command in the Great Commission, and it parallels God’s command to have dominion over the earth. The original command to have dominion over the earth was to reflect the image of God that we were cited in.
But the command to teach disciples the way of Christ is that they might be re-created into the image of Christ. Every disciple of Jesus is able to fulfill the mission that Christ has called us to, to love God, to love people, and to make disciples of all nations.
But a parent’s mission is no different than a single’s mission, except parents start by living sent to the physical children in their homes to the glory of God. So with the power of the Spirit, parenting is all about making disciples. And so if you’ve ever felt like, Man, I don’t have what it takes to make disciples, yes you do. You have the gospel of Jesus Christ. Open your mouth in your home every single day to the little kids that God has placed in your care, that they might walk in a manner worthy someday by the power of the Spirit.
So I want to consider two things from Ephesians 6:4, two things, and there are some subpoints all throughout it, aiming to be helpful and practical today. I was thankful for the parenting night last Sunday night. And let’s go even a little further. But Paul gives us what we should not do as parents and then what we are called to do as parents.
Here’s point number one. Spirit-filled parents aim to nurture rather than provoke. Spirit-filled parents aim to nurture rather than provoke. And that’s what verse 4 starts out. It says, “Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger.”
Now the word here is patera. You’re probably thinking, I thought you said this lined up great for Mother’s Day. He’s talking to fathers. The word pater in the Greek is actually a generic word that can be used for parents as well. So it definitely applies to both fathers and mothers. But understand that the context in which Paul is writing into, fathers could make or break their children because of the powerful that they had.
I’ve already told you that women were highly diminished in Roman culture. But children were even more disposable, and it was at the discretion of the father. So there was this Roman law known as the patria potestas where a father could have the absolute right of life and death over his children. A father could sell his child into slavery. A father could give his child up for prostitution. There was a law when the baby was born, it was often brought and laid at the father’s feet. And if the father stood to pick up the child, then it was a signal that the father wanted to keep the child for now. But if the father stood up and walked away, then the baby was taken away and left in the garbage dump for dead.
So just a terrible culture that Paul is writing into. Children were very diminished, especially daughters in this culture. And it was all at the father’s discretion. And all of that is so much different than everything that Paul has been writing. Paul is elevating marriage. Paul is elevating the love of a husband. Paul is elevating that children are obeying their parents and honoring their parents, and parents are loving their children. Because children are massively important to God as we looked at last week. And it’s so much different than the way that Jesus treated children during His time on earth.
And Paul here is calling fathers and mothers to a new standard. He’s not calling them to a Roman standard. He’s calling them to a gospel standard. And so parents, if we’re going to walk worthy of our calling by imitating God on the earth, it has to start by not provoking our children to anger. So this word provoke means to agitate or give rise to. Some other translations say, “Don’t exasperate your children toward wrath.”
Parents are commanded to not stir up anger in the hearts of their children. And that’s going to take effort, and that’s going to take some nuance because you’re going to have different personalities in different kids in your home. It’s going to take the fruit of the Spirit and it’s going to take Ephesians 4:1-2. Walk in a manner worthy of your calling, to which you have been called with all humility and with gentleness and with patience, bearing with one another in love, eager to maintain the unity of the spirit in the body of peace.
Understand that that verse that we’ve already looked at in Ephesians, it’s not for adults toward adults or adults toward the church. It’s for Christian believers even toward their kids whom you are submitting to out of reverence for Christ as you raise them in the fear and instruction of the Lord. Everything we’ve been looking at in Ephesians applies to your parenting.
So at every stage of every child’s life a parent has the opportunity to love and to nurture or to tear down and to frustrate their children. You can either model the love of God for your children or you can mar the love of God for your children. You can either display the image of Christ for your children or you can distort the image of Christ for your children.
And while both parents are called to not provoke their children to anger, you could see why Paul uses this word for fathers. Mothers are probably more likely to be nurturing. Mothers are more likely to be present. Mothers are probably more likely to be child-rearing. But fathers are commanded by God to be present, to be aware and to be intentional in the raising of their children in the home. Fathers are not to be domineering, not to be absent, not to be complacent or passive and are not to be provoking toward anger.
So let’s talk about provoking to anger a little bit. I have some ways that parents anger their children, ok? I thought of a lot of them. I’m going to give you five of them that I think I see in our culture and that we easily can fall into. And it’s pretty convicting. God has been convicting me even this week. But here’s the first one. Verbal abuse. All right? That one is probably a semi-obvious one for us. But obviously this would provoke anger in our children, but it’s a real reality in our world. A parent can do massive damage to the spirit and the heart of a child with their developed vocabulary.
You are not called to tear down your child with your words. You are not meant to scream rude things at your children when you’re mad. You are not meant to take out your anger on your children.
There’s a verse in the book of James that says, The anger of man does not produce the righteousness of God. So that’s talking about your personal life. My anger is not going to produce righteousness in my life.
But apply it to parenting for a moment. There are times when I get mad at my child for not doing what I’ve asked them to do. Do you think that my anger toward that child is going to produce what I want out of him? No. My anger is not going to produce righteousness in my child for their disobedience. It’s going to be patience. It’s going to be humility. It’s going to be gentleness. So the anger of man doesn’t produce the righteousness of God, not even in our children.
And so if a parent is truly in Christ and walking worthy, then you are called to do what Ephesians 4:29 taught us. Look back at 4 verse 29 in your Bibles. It says, Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up as fits the occasion that it may give grace to those who hear. And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God by whom you were sealed for the day of redemption.
So parents, we are grieving the Holy Spirit when we use words to tear down our children. So we don’t want to make our children angry through our anger and through our words.
The second way that parents often anger their children is through neglect. Number two is neglect. You can’t nurture your children if you’re not present, and you can’t meet your child’s needs if you’re not present. And just for the sake of the moment, let me give you some statistics that I was reading this week. Paul says, “Fathers, don’t provoke your children to anger.”
I read that one out of four children come from a fatherless home in America, in our society today. So 19.5 million children live without a father in their home. According to data and statistics, 85% of youth in prison grew up in fatherless homes. Seven out of ten youth in juvenile detention centers are from fatherless homes. Children without a father are four times more likely to be living in poverty. Fatherless children are twice as likely to drop out of school before graduating. Fatherless homes are a leading contributing factor to drug abuse, to displaced anger in crimes and abuse cases.
72% of Americans believe that a fatherless home is the most significant social problem and family problem that is facing our country. And I would agree. Talk about neglect. It’s no secret neglect provokes our children to anger, and statistics show a lot of fathers provoking to anger through neglect and absence.
Now you could read all of that and get really discouraged. And I don’t know everyone’s situation that is even in the room today. Remember that these are worldly statistics, and we’re after Spirit-filled redemption. So the reason that you’re here today is because you can take heart because Christ has overcome the world. Christ has overcome all of this. And you’ve come to the Body of Christ today seeking hope, and Christ wants to give you hope.
And in the church, men can be spiritual fathers to those who don’t have spiritual fathers. And women can become spiritual mothers to those who do not have spiritual mothers. This is the Body of Christ that God is building up. But we desperately need the church to be a beacon and a light in a world of so many fatherless homes.
Now the third way that we often anger our children. This might hit home for some of us. Comparison or favoritism. So playing the comparison game when it comes to behavior or talent or looks or gifting, that can provoke your children to anger. So don’t compare your children to other people’s children. Don’t compare your children to the other children that are in your home.
I heard about this one child that said, their mother said to them, “Why can’t you act like those people’s kids? Those people’s kids seem to be able to respect their parents. Those people’s kids seem to be able to honor their parents.”
And the kid said, “They must have good parents.” They’ll put you in your place quick.
But every child is fearfully and wonderfully made by God. So you have to affirm in each of your children. You’ve got to affirm that they’re fearfully and wonderfully made. Celebrate each different personality. Work specifically with the strengths and the weaknesses of each child in your home. Go out of your way to invest in the specific interests of each of your children. And thank God regularly and openly for who they uniquely are. That’s going to be more challenging in some of your children than others maybe, but this is the work that God has called us to as parents. And so we run to this by the power of the Spirit of God.
Now number four, ways that we sometimes anger our kids. Overprotection. Overprotection. Your children are going to grow up and they are going to face the realities of the culture. So there has to be this fine balance in us as parents for shielding them from the weight that they don’t need to carry and then nurturing them to think and interact biblically in a sinful world. And you have to let the Spirit of God help you with this. The Spirit will help you. Ask the Spirit of God to help you for each child, each year, each decision that you have to make. And there are a lot of decisions that we have to make as parents for our children.
But I’ll tell you this. You are going to have to have real conversations in your home about what the Bible says about sex, about gender, about drugs and alcohol, about dating or relationship or lostness, etc., etc. Don’t hide from hard topics, but run to the Word of God and show your kids what God says about everything.
I don’t know what decisions we have to make now. Like when does our child get a cell phone in the house? There’s not a verse that I can go to that tells me, oh, this is when a child should get a cell phone in the house. But there is a verse that says all things are lawful, but not all things are profitable. And I don’t want to be under the control of anything but Jesus Christ.
And so I know as a thirty-seven-year-old man sometimes my phone, I feel like I’m under the control of my phone at times because it’s taking my time and I know what’s on that phone; and there are so many things. And so I need to make a decision. I need to pray with my children about the right time to introduce them to a phone and help them. That’s just one small situation.
But we need to filter every decision like that that we face in our culture through the lens of the Word of God. And the Spirit of God can help you in your individual parenting if you trust Him and if you ask Him.
But also, you might need to loosen the bubble wrap a little bit on your children. Speaking of overprotection. Remember that our children are human beings. They’re not slaves. They’re not inconveniences that we keep locked away. They have ideas and they have desires. They have dreams and they want to have fun and they want to have friends. And they have lots of energy. And they want to eat gluten and sugar.
So yes, you are called to protect them. But be careful that your overprotection is not out of fear of this life. Eventually your kids will get tired of being held back, pushed down, kept in a bubble, and they’ll run to experience life on their own terms. So you have to let the Word of God do the work of God in your home.
1 John 4:18 says, There is no fear in love. So protection for your children, yes, absolutely. Every parent is called to protect their children, but also love them as humans that God has entrusted to you. And remember that ultimately God is the greater protector in this world, so lead them to places where you can trust them with some responsibility and opportunity in this life.
And then finally, number five, five ways that we maybe anger our children. Withdraw over investment. Withdraw over investment. And just hear me out on this one. I think this is a great leadership principle for all of us in any relationship, in your friendships, in your co-working situations, husband to a wife, but certainly parents to their children. You should be investing in your kids more than you are withdrawing from them.
So hear this. It’s exhausting to always be asked to do a task, to always be told what to do, to always be corrected, to always be told what you could have done better, to always be chirped at or commanded. That’s exhausting without ever being complimented, being praised, being noticed, being hugged, being sacrificed for, being celebrated or being cherished. For every penny that you’re withdrawing as a parent out of the penny jar, I think we need to be putting five pennies into that penny jar as parents.
At the end of your long day when you get home and the house is a mess, it’ll be easier for you to bark at your kids for the mess or reprimand them for not cleaning up than it will be for you to put your desires aside and hug each of your kids and commend them on their schoolwork and admire their crafts or listen to the stores and what they’re excited about. These kinds of things will take intentionality on our part as parents. And if you’re not investing, but continually withdrawing, you could provoke your child to anger.
So we have an awesome opportunity as parents to build our kids. And in any relationship as you’re making disciples, as you’re building a relationship, you have an opportunity to build up rather than to tear down. So we need to be cognizant of these things. So that’s what we’re not called to do as parents.
Let’s go to point number two, and it’s this. Spirit-filled parents train and instruct their children in the ways of the Lord. Spirit-filled parents train and instruct their children in the ways of the Lord. So we’re not provoking them to anger, but we’re training them and instructing them. That’s where Paul goes in verse 4.
He says, “Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and the instruction of the Lord.” “Bring them up” is a great phrase for what we’re called to do as parents. We’re helping our children develop physically, spiritually, emotionally and mentally. Jesus grew in wisdom and in stature. And we get our children grow in wisdom and in stature.
So on the nurturing side of bringing them up, it simply looks like providing for them, feeding them, clothing them, nourishing them, helping them learn and be strengthened. But beyond the nurturing side, we are called to bring them up in two things.
First let’s focus on the discipline of the Lord. You bring your children up in the discipline of the Lord. I want you to think about this as spiritual disciplines. It’s the ways that God has asked us to live. It’s everything that we’ve been looking at in Ephesians, the conduct of the believer. These are the ways of the Lord. It’s the tools that God has given us in order that we might commune with Him. So think prayer. Think devotions. Think going to church. Think worshiping Christ.
So Spirit-filled parents train their children in the ways of the Lord. You’ve got to train them for obedience. They’re not going to be able to obey if you have no rules. And so you have to set rules and you have to give them goals to aim for, and you hold them accountable to those things.
As parents we should teach our children about suffering. I mean talk about a great one in the world that we live in, in the community that we live in. Do our kids know how to suffer? Do they have a theology of suffering? When hardship in this life comes, hey, the trials of this life can produce steadfastness in your life. Don’t try to get out from under them all the time. Don’t shield them all the time, but teach them to endure when life is hard. Train your kids to respect authority. Train them to believe in the power of prayer. Train them to listen to and to love the Word of God.
And here’s the thing. You have to train your children in these ways, because they will naturally reveal against them due to their depravity. Every baby is a dirty, rotten sinner. You’ve seen all these cute kids up here today. Cute on the outside, but their hearts are deceitfully wicked above all things. And that’s a real reality. But if you only aim to build and protect your child’s self-esteem, which is a parenting methodology. It was popular in the 90’s. There are lots of statistics about why that hasn’t worked for our current generations and our current world.
But if you only aim to build your child’s self-esteem, then you will raise children who love themselves way more than they love Jesus Christ. And if you aim all of your parental attention at the happiness of your children, you will create entitled, prideful and selfish brats. If you let the demands of your child’s cries and feelings continually rule you, your children will have a hard time submitting to any authority when they grow up.
So understand that the ways of the Lord, the disciplines of the Lord, are not meant to harm us. They’re not meant to hold us back in this life, but they are to help us flourish in the divine design for generations to come. Yes, it takes instruction. Yes, it takes communication, international and consistent communication. Yes, it’s going to take modeling. And yes, it’s going to take discipline on your part as the parent.
Now the word discipline gets a bad rap in our culture when it comes to parenting. But discipline is necessary for obedience, and discipline is necessary for bringing children up in the way of the Lord. When I was in seventh grade I had to write this like 1,000 times because I got in trouble: “Discipline is a virtue that makes punishment unnecessary.” I wrote that a lot of times because I was getting punished often.
But discipline is a virtue that makes punishment unnecessary. Discipline is not bad. Even punishment is not bad because it’s hopefully producing the discipline of the Lord in us. But all discipline should be out of love. All discipline should be with patience. All discipline should be in a spirit of gentleness. But discipline should be biblical, and I think the Bible says a lot about it. Can I show you some verses that the Bible says about declining in your household or your children as you’re raising them in the fear of the Lord?
Here. Proverbs 13:24: Whoever spares the rod hates his son, but he who loves him is diligent to discipline him.
So we’re being introduced to this word called a rod. It sounds maybe like cringey a little bit to you. But if you spare the rod, if you spare your son from the rod, it says that you hate your son. But if you love your son, then you’ll be diligent to discipline him. Diligence is important in parenting. Because if you’re inconsistent, then you will provoke your child to anger when you finally do try to enforce and hold them accountable. So don’t hold them accountable once and let them do it ten other times and then try to pull them to obedience. You have to be consistent and diligent.
Here’s another one. Proverbs 22:15: Folly is bound up in the heart of a child, but the rod of discipline drives it far from him.
So when your children are born, folly, foolishness, is bound up in their heart. They will naturally act like a fool. They will naturally act like their brain is not developed. They will naturally do what they want to do. But your loving discipline and correction can drive that foolishness far from them.
Proverbs 23:13-14: Do not withhold discipline from a child, but strike him with a rod. He will not die. And if you strike him with a rod you will save his soul from Sheol.
Now there’s a whole kind of sweeping generation that you should never spank your child. We were exchanging lots of great stories this week in the office of the ways that our parents spanked some of us, because we grew up in Christian homes in the 90’s. My dad used a graphite fishing pole, and it drove some folly far from me. I didn’t thank him for it then, but now I do.
But do you see what it says? If you strike him with a rod he will not die. Pat on the butt, not going to kill your child. But what’s worse? A pat on the butt that might sting for a little bit of your child living his life for his own glory and going to hell for an eternity? Man, that’s serious. So we need to get serious about raising our children in the discipline of the Lord.
Proverbs 19:15: The rod and reproof give wisdom, but a child left to himself brings shame to his mother.
So here we are on Mother’s Day and we don’t want our children to bring shame to our mothers. So every mom gets five whacks when they get home today to their kids, ok?
Hebrews 12:11 says this: For the moment all discipline seems painful rather than pleasant, but later it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness to those who have been trained by it.
For the moment all discipline seems painful rather than pleasant. Sure. It’s painful to punish your child. Sure, it’s painful to hold your child accountable, and they think it’s painful. But later it will yield good fruit in their life, and that’s what we’re aiming to do as we make disciples.
The Lord does the same thing to you. If you are not disciplined by God, if you are not chastened by God for your actions as a Christian, then the Bible says you’re an illegitimate child of God. One of the ways that you know you’re actually in Christ is God holding you accountable to His Word and you facing the consequences of your sin as He lovingly leads you back toward holiness.
So parents have a fine line to walk. You’re not taking your anger out on your child but you’re lovingly disciplining and correcting them toward what is right. And when we’re bringing our children up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord, punishment will be necessary at times in order to hold our children accountable to what we’ve asked of them, to bend their will from their self-centeredness and deceit, to shape their character to be respectful toward authority.
That’s on us, parents, to help our children learn that. And through our loving discipline we can awaken their conscience to what is right and what is wrong, especially with the power of the Holy Spirit. So don’t leave these things up to your kids. God calls you as the parent to bring them up in it, and the earlier you start the better.
I don’t know if you’ve seen the book Shepherding a Child’s Heart by Ted Tripp. So here’s a helpful kind of chart that was in that book. So from zero to three the parent should be like a director. From seven to twelve you should be like a trainer. From thirteen to eighteen you should become a coach. From age nineteen and up you can be a cheerleader. And there’s kind of a tagline. The idea is the younger your children are, the higher a parent’s authority should be. And then the older the child, the higher a parent’s influence can be.
So just think about that. From zero to six if you’ll be intentional about being a director, short, easy terms. This is what you should do. This is what you should not do. I’m going to help hold you accountable. No, don’t touch the stove. You will get burned. If you’re intentional there versus protective and celebrating everything a child does and laughing at all of the things that come out of them, because it is funny. Right? And that’s easy to fall into.
If you’ll be a director there, then you can become a trainer. You can get your hands on. You can help them learn at seven to twelve and start correcting them and teaching them.
And by thirteen, if the Spirit of God is working, if the Spirit of God is getting a hold of their heart, they’re going to know you’ve loved them for the time. All of this is in a perfect formula by the way. But this is just a way that we lean into it. Become a coach.
And then nineteen and up, be a cheerleader. Again, it’s not a perfect formula, but these are the ways that we can be intentional in our homes at the early stages, the early ages, of life. And the Spirit of God can help us.
Nwo the second thing that we’re called to raise our children in is the instruction of the Lord. And we’re kind of landing the plane.
But it says this in 2 Timothy 3:16: All Scripture is breathed out by God and profitable for teaching, for reproof, for correction and for training in righteousness.
So the instruction of the Lord is the Word of the Lord. And if we’re going to live sent and make disciples in our homes, then we will need to instruct our children regularly in the Word of God. So here are three ways to make disciples in your home. All right? Three ways.
Bible time. Create a regular rhythm in your family schedule where you read the Word of God, where you create an atmosphere of respect around reading the Word of God. I don’t think you have to be consistent till the day that you die on weekly devotions or daily devotions. We’re not in my house. Our life changes all the time, and there have been seasons where we sit down weekly through Advent or Holy Week and we’re doing a devotional. There are times where that falls off a little bit due to the routines and the rhythms. But we’re always at church. We’re always putting our kids in Gospel City Kids or getting them in a setting where they’re peoning the Bible.
And often through the school year my kids are at home on Monday, Wednesday and Friday. And so my wife starts the day at the breakfast table reading the Word of God to our children. And there are times when my kids do not want to hear what we have to say or they’re rambunctious and they want to do what they want to do. They don’t give a whole lot of care about what we’re reading.
And so we’re trying to create an atmosphere of respect though. Hey, you might not understand the importance of God’s Word. You might not understand that these are God’s breathed out words. So you don’t have to get that. You don’t have to love that. But you do have to respect it. Because as long as we’re reading the Word of God in this house, we need your respect. So can I count on you to sit and to listen?
That’s kind of a conversation. And after the fifth time of saying it, I just send them to bed. Ok? So Bible time is important.
And then number two, Bible living. Bible living. Model for your kids the importance of God’s Word in your own personal life. Model the truths of God’s Word in the way that you seek forgiveness and in the way that you serve others. So don’t always be reading the Word of God and quoting the Word of God and not modeling it with your life. That might speak way louder than your Bible time.
And a leading statistic for kids who grow up and leave the church is due to parents who claim the faith and acted one way at church but didn’t live it and model it at home. So it’s like the kid is saying, “Dad, I don’t hear what you’re saying because I see how you’re living.” And that shouldn’t be our testimony as parents. We should be modeling this. One of the greatest ways.
I was in my small group last week and we were talking about parenting and how it’s hard. And one of the things we said is you will be very quick to fail as parents, very quick to offend or fail your kids. But you need to be as quick to ask their forgiveness and let them know how you failed and show them the grace of God in your life, and ask for the grace of God from your kids. That relationship shows the power of the gospel for our parenting. The same goes for whenever we’re giving our forgiveness to our children.
And then finally, number three, Bible moments. Use the natural and the everyday to bring the Bible to life. The moments of our day can be redeemed and guided by the Word of God. I love this one. It’s kind of more natural. When you’re driving your kids to school in the morning and you see a beautiful sunrise, let them know that Psalm 19 says the heavens declare the glory of God.
When you’re driving down the road and you see somebody who got in a car wreck, pray. 2 Corinthians 1, God is the God of all comfort. Lord, would You comfort them in their affliction? Let your kids see you interacting with the Bible in the everyday normal things of life, and they’ll know it’s important to you. And the Spirit of God can awaken their desire for it as well. Only the Holy Spirit can enable parents to make disciples in their home through the loving discipline and instruction of the Lord. You’ve got to stay under the influence of the Holy Spirit.
I know that was a lot, and I know that there’s a lot of different circumstances and situations. You’ve got to take the pieces of God’s Word that we know are true, the standards, and by the power of the Spirit seek to live up to them the best that we can, knowing that we are finite and fallen human beings. And then we have to trust God to save our children. No parent doing any of the things I just said would regret those things in your parenting, whether your children follow the Lord or not.
So it’s our job to serve and to love and to be gracious toward our children and then trust God to be the one to save them because God only can save them. And so if you’re here today and you’re a little heartbroken or even discouraged, use maybe the discouragement if you’re currently a parent, to cause great conversation in your home of how you can get back to the basics, what you need to renovate, what you need to change, what you need to start doing now while your kids are young or your kids are the stage of these kids here on the earth.
But also don’t get so discouraged that you forget that God is in control and that God can change any heart. And your prayers today should be just as bold as they were then or even more bold because God can stop your children dead in their tracks. Prodigal children are not too far beyond the reach of God. That’s what He does. God is in the business of redeeming those who are running from Him. God is in the business of stopping them and turning them toward Him through His grace and through His Spirit.
And probably a better verse that I could go to for parenting is 2 Corinthians chapter 12. Paul writes this about himself. Three times I pleaded with the Lord about this that it should leave me. So the thorn in his flesh. I’m sure you’ve pleaded with the Lord on behalf of your prodigal children. I’m sure you’ve pleaded with the Lord on behalf of the children currently in your home to know Jesus. Three times he pleaded with the Lord. But Jesus said to him, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me. For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong. (2 Corinthians 12:8-10)
That is a great attitude and demeanor of a parent who is filled with the Spirit of God. Boast in your weaknesses that Jesus Christ may be seen as strong. And let Him work through you to His glory and His grace.
C’mon, stand with me. Let’s pray and just sing a song of response quickly together. Lord, we come and we thank You for Your grace. Lord, we thank You for the Word of God that does the work of God in our lives. Would You do it in our households? Would You do it in our parenting? Would You do it in our disciple-making? And Lord, we thank You for the truths of Scripture that sometimes stop us and give us things that maybe we are past the phase that I’m in or people aren’t even in the phase that I’m in. But Lord, I pray that Your Spirit would speak to all of us somehow today.
And Lord, I pray for the parents of this church, the ones who have homes full. I pray Lord that they would boast in their weakness. Lord, I pray that they would lean in to some of the principles and the things that they can work on. Lord, I pray that this would lead to conversations with their kids of ways that their parents can be more intentional and ways that they can lean into the Bible more. Lord, I pray that no parent would be discouraged today, but that they would be encouraged because the Spirit of God is able to help them in their parenting.
And then Lord, I pray for the prodigal children of this church, those whose parents are represented here and those who are running from you. Lord, would You do what You did with Saul? Would You stop them dead in their tracks? Show them there’s nothing in this life. Would You open their eyes that they might turn and say, “Lord, what shall I do for You?” And God, would You resurrect some dead people even in our midst, Lord, even on Mother’s Day. God, would You draw people back to You? Awaken their heart, awaken their conscience, to the Spirit of God, to the gospel of Jesus Christ. And would You draw them home because they are Your children ultimately? Lord, encourage us today as we look to You. We love You. we give You glory. In Jesus’ mighty name we pray, amen. C’mon sing this out.
